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Today the Army is conducting a memorial service at Fort Hood for those killed last week. Since hearing of the murders, I am still distressed and upset that in a country where people can freely choose love and goodwill, once again someone has chosen hate and evil.

I am ever thankful for the brave security personnel who shot and stopped the shooter. Yet, stand in amazement at the medics who worked to save his life.  I actually told Dale, “Good thing I’m not a medic. I don’t know if I could do that.” I then asked, “What is the point of saving his life? I know the FBI will want to question him to see if it is an organized plot, but is he worth it?”

I find it remarkable that the medics were willing to save the life of their enemy immediately after he gunned down their fellow soldiers. Whether their motivation was duty to save a life that could be saved or the God given ability to love the enemy, I do not know. Either way, to me it shows great character.

Character that I seem to lack during a tragedy and immediately after. For, I do not want to show mercy, kindness, forgiveness, and love. I want the hateful individual to be shown justice, my determination of justice.

I was still struggling with these thoughts as I was sitting and listening to a missionary from South Africa, Charl van Wyk, speak in my Sunday School class. When the rebels were fighting for South Africa, they attacked his church and fired on his people. He fired back and repelled them.

For awhile he was furious at the rebels and refused to forgive them. Then God began to work on his heart. After Charl forgave them, he started a ministry of reconciliation to the very men who fired upon the people of his church. Amazingly, the rebel leader came to Christ and was saved.

Sitting there, I realized once again that I am not the rightful judge. I cannot put myself in God’s place. My righteousness is as filthy rags to God. I don’t know who God will save. I don’t know which heart He will change. Is it possible for God to bring the Fort Hood shooter to salvation? Yes. Will He? I don’t know.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” Matthew 5:43-45 (NIV)

This is a difficult Christian passage for me, because it wars with my flesh. Can I love my enemy? Yes, but only through Christ who lives in my heart. Love is not a feeling, it is an attitude and an action. I must choose to forgive and to pray and to love.

Today, Dale and I celebrate 18 years of marriage. It is usually the one celebration day where there is always a conflicting activity. Dale’s in the field, I’ve just had a baby, we’re moving, Dale’s TDY, we have to attend a school function, Abby’s never ending birthday parties, or Dale’s deployed. Something always interferes with the celebration. We did spend one anniversary at a hotel on Waikiki. It was quite lovely and courtesy of the US Army as it was our lodging prior to leaving for our next assignment. When we were first together, Dale’s gift giving was a bit hit and miss. One time he gave me a purple velour track suit. Although I do love to wear sweats, I had not yet moved to Florida and turned 70. Dale usually purchased gifts the night before as he wandered dazedly around Walmart or the Mall. After awhile, I began to direct his search more clearly as I realized it really wasn’t something he could figure out on his own. Kind of like me trying to figure out how to upload pictures to the blog. I gave him lists of item choices with sizes and colors and directed him to particular jewelry stores. To his relief and mine, he discovered proflowers.com. Amazingly, after 18 years of marriage, he has figured it out. Since he has been in Iraq, the kids and I have received very nice gifts. All the gifts have been unique and arrived well in advance of the occasion. Abby’s birthday gift and my anniversary gift arrived last week. Abby received an imitation designer pink clutch bag that she loves, and I received perfume. I do not like very many perfumes, because their scents have a tendency to overwhelm me. However, the perfume Dale sent is lovely. I find it remarkable that he entered a perfume shop, smelled the scents and chose one I would like. I, on the other hand, have been dreadful lately with gift giving. He was home for his birthday, but the gift I got for him did not arrive in time and he won’t receive the anniversary card I sent until tomorrow. If I continue down this path of negligence, I fear Dale will soon receive a purple velour track suit of his own. With it, he could wear the gold chain that his sister Tami sent him years ago. Then I’ll know he’s ready for retirement. Although, that will probably force us to move to Florida on a future anniversary.

1. When I got a haircut last week, the barber massaged my scalp as if he was trying to coax the hair to start growing again.
2. I tried watching Napolean Dynamite, but turned it off because it was dumb.
3. When my NCO in Dahuk, SSG Mike Cabral, heard that I was 43, he commented “My mom is in her 40s”.
4. I got a little upset when I read that the Supe wants to change the words of the Alma Mater and The Corps to make them gender neutral.
5. I’m trying to cut back my coffee intake because the caffeine is keeping me up at night.
6. I have to take 2 antacid tablets before every run to keep from getting indigestion.
7. Every now and then I find a stray hair growing out of my ear.
8. Even when I’m running wearing my PT uniform, soldiers I pass automatically call me “Sir”.
9. I become Army retirement-eligible next month.
10. My little sister is now a grandmother.