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Preparations for picking up the kids from school have developed into a pattern. This pattern is not set by me, however, it is set by a five year old child.

One hot day this fall, I made a cup of ice water and put in the car for Zeke to drink once I picked him up. I had also brought a small baggie of snacks. Zeke appreciated this, but was unhappy the next day when his water and snacks were not there. “You forgot my water, Mommy,” he remarked as soon as he got into the van. Everyday, henceforth, the pattern for school pickup must include a glass of water.

Zeke returns with me to school later each day to pick up his brother and sister. Before we depart, Zeke finds a toy or game to keep himself occupied while we wait in line.

On Wednesday, I told him it was time to find his toy so we could depart. After a minute with no response, I walked into our office to find him playing with the little ceramic heater, turning it off and on; warm to hot. He looked up and said, “I’m playing with this a few more minutes.”

I then began to talk to him (Abby would term it lecture) about obedience. I said, “Zeke, remember how you and I talked yesterday about obeying right away and not obeying slowly because that is disobeying to go slowly on purpose.”

He replied, “Do you write it down?… The things that you say?… I don’t write it down.”

Traditions are a haphazard thing with me. Some of my traditions are based on activities the Meloch family did when I was growing up (birthday cake to Jesus, hiding Easter baskets) and some I picked up from various places that I have lived. I picked up one such tradition while I was in Germany.

Last night, Gabe said, “Mom, tomorrow’s December 1st and you forgot to get the chocolate calendars!” Boys after the ages of 7 love to be know-it-alls. They view themselves as so much smarter than their mothers and inform their mothers of this fact throughout the day.

I have developed the following response to this “I’m smarter than you attitude” based on education completed. For me, I say, “The day you start your Master’s Degree at University is the day you are smarter than me. Until that day, I am smarter than you whether you believe it or not.” If you did not go to college, you may adjust this remark to , “The day you start college or trade school is the day you are smarter than me. Until that day, I am smarter than you whether you believe it or not.”

Hopefully, by the time that day comes they’ll be out of the house and no longer driving you nuts. When I told Gabe this, he replied, “The day I start my Masters degree, I’m going to call you on the phone and say, ‘Mom, I’m smarter than you’.” I’m certain he will. The kid will probably get a phD, just to prove how much smarter he is than his mother. If he wasn’t so like his mother in doing whatever it takes to prove someone wrong, it would be easier to stomach.

Not wanting only to prove his mother wrong, last night he decided to prove his aunt wrong as well. Every year my brother-in-law’s mom sends me a wreath she makes from the pines on her land in Northern Minnesota. Whenever I open the box, the smell of home greats me.

Considering this a good task for Gabe, I told him to hang the wreath under the lights by the door. I asked him to check if his daddy had any wire and a wire cutter for the task. He declared, “I’m going to use a pipe cleaner, it has wire in it.” I was on the phone with my sister at the time and she commented that she didn’t think that would hold. After hearing this comment, Gabe was determined to prove her wrong.

He found a 10 pound exercise hand weight and tied it under a chair using the pipe cleaner to test the pipe cleaner’s strength. (The boy spends an excessive amount of time watching myth busters, his new favorite show, and is constantly relaying to me how the two guys have proven or disproved something.) The kid is destined to be a mechanic or engineer or maybe a mad scientist.

The wreath is now hanging by a pipe cleaner safely outside under the light. It looks lovely.

However, even though he had proven my sister wrong, he was behind the power curve with the chocolate calendars. Abby informed him of this fact, “Gabe, Mom buys the calendars in,like, August!” (Eye roll for emphasis)

She was close. Not quite August, but October. At the Commissary (military grocery store) they put out the German Christmas items at the same time as the Halloween candy. I buy them right away every year and store them away for fear of repeating the mistake of waiting too long and finding them sold out.

I first started buying them for Dale and I when we were assigned to Germany in the early 1990s. The calendars are a simple thin rectangle of cardboard with little doors to open from 1 to 24. Under each door is a piece of chocolate pressed into a holiday shape (present, tree, candle, etc.)

You eat a piece of chocolate and count down the days until Christmas. In my opinion, a fabulous tradition.

The children had a four day weekend last weekend while their teachers attended training. Three of them love sleeping in and enjoyed the lazy mornings. Gabe, however, likes waking up at the same time every day.

Before bedtime, I had informed them all that they could sleep in until 10. However, once they got out of bed, they had to take care of their chores and responsibilities before watching TV or playing Wii/DS.

I was surprised when I woke up that Gabe had not gotten out of bed at his usual early hour. I remarked about his sleeping in. He responded, “I woke up at the regular time, but you said if we got out of bed, we had to do our chores. So, I didn’t get out of bed.”

His logic and ability to find loopholes is quite astounding to me.

Zeke, my true night owl, has tired of his relentless early morning Kindergarten routine. He will not wake up fully when I call him, so I carry him downstairs to the table while he is half awake. He rests his head on the table and complains that it “hurts my eyes” in a whiny voice.

The other day as I picked him up to carry him down the stairs, he asked, with his eyes still closed, “Why do we have to do this every morning?”

Ezekiel taught himself his numbers. Ezekiel taught himself his letters. Ezekiel taught himself to read. Ezekiel taught himself to add and subtract. I tell this information to people I meet when they comment on how much time I must spend schooling him.

No one believes me. They are convinced that I am some pushy mother drilling my kindergartener daily in pursuit of creating a spelling bee champion. I will admit that pushy mother evidence collected in the past especially in reference to my first child would most likely hold up in court. However, Zeke is my fourth child.

Third children and beyond realize quite quickly that they are on their own. If they want to succeed, they better do it themselves. Zeke has taken this knowledge to heart and using memorization and repetition, he learns something new.

Over the last year, his focus has been on memorizing the fifty states. It started with collecting the fifty state quarters. Dale printed out a two page flyer with the picture of the state quarter and the state name on it. Multiple times each day, Zeke placed the quarters on the picture spot and recited the names. The day he received the 50th state was a happy day indeed.

For his birthday, he received a wooden state puzzle which he carries about and places states in and out of to further his recitation. He reads license plates when we are driving to see how many different states he can find.

Last month, Gabe came home from fourth grade with the list of state capitals that he must memorize by the end of the year. This task filled Zeke, not Gabe, with great excitement  and the learning of state capitals commenced.

The learning process does not involve only Zeke. Since everything is a game and competition with him. I am quizzed as well. “What is the capital of South Carolina?”, he will ask me. When I stop and think too long, he’ll say, “Want a hint?”

Admittedly, the child can be a bit annoying. He was annoying me so much yesterday when he started to sing the state names with a pitchy made up tune, that in a moment of desperation, I looked on youtube to find a rendition of “fifty nifty united states.”

Dale and I were forced to sing that song in the prep school chorus. I couldn’t stand it and personally never wanted to sing it again. Yet, I now found myself forced to sing along again to it’s endless repetition.

Zeke had also decided that just asking the name of the capital was not difficult enough. So, he invented the next level, the following quiz game:

“A dog lives in Alaska and he runs away to a state whose capital starts with S” (the state the dog lives in and the letter of the state capital can change).

You must then answer the correct state name. His Kindergarten teacher was taught this game during snack time one day. She proudly answered “California. Sacramento, California.” Zeke told her she was wrong. That was not the state capital he was thinking of. She told me her brain started to hurt as she scrambled to think of another capital that started with S.

I am hoping that he did not ask “Do you want a hint?” But, I’m not betting on it.