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Traditions are a haphazard thing with me. Some of my traditions are based on activities the Meloch family did when I was growing up (birthday cake to Jesus, hiding Easter baskets) and some I picked up from various places that I have lived. I picked up one such tradition while I was in Germany.

Last night, Gabe said, “Mom, tomorrow’s December 1st and you forgot to get the chocolate calendars!” Boys after the ages of 7 love to be know-it-alls. They view themselves as so much smarter than their mothers and inform their mothers of this fact throughout the day.

I have developed the following response to this “I’m smarter than you attitude” based on education completed. For me, I say, “The day you start your Master’s Degree at University is the day you are smarter than me. Until that day, I am smarter than you whether you believe it or not.” If you did not go to college, you may adjust this remark to , “The day you start college or trade school is the day you are smarter than me. Until that day, I am smarter than you whether you believe it or not.”

Hopefully, by the time that day comes they’ll be out of the house and no longer driving you nuts. When I told Gabe this, he replied, “The day I start my Masters degree, I’m going to call you on the phone and say, ‘Mom, I’m smarter than you’.” I’m certain he will. The kid will probably get a phD, just to prove how much smarter he is than his mother. If he wasn’t so like his mother in doing whatever it takes to prove someone wrong, it would be easier to stomach.

Not wanting only to prove his mother wrong, last night he decided to prove his aunt wrong as well. Every year my brother-in-law’s mom sends me a wreath she makes from the pines on her land in Northern Minnesota. Whenever I open the box, the smell of home greats me.

Considering this a good task for Gabe, I told him to hang the wreath under the lights by the door. I asked him to check if his daddy had any wire and a wire cutter for the task. He declared, “I’m going to use a pipe cleaner, it has wire in it.” I was on the phone with my sister at the time and she commented that she didn’t think that would hold. After hearing this comment, Gabe was determined to prove her wrong.

He found a 10 pound exercise hand weight and tied it under a chair using the pipe cleaner to test the pipe cleaner’s strength. (The boy spends an excessive amount of time watching myth busters, his new favorite show, and is constantly relaying to me how the two guys have proven or disproved something.) The kid is destined to be a mechanic or engineer or maybe a mad scientist.

The wreath is now hanging by a pipe cleaner safely outside under the light. It looks lovely.

However, even though he had proven my sister wrong, he was behind the power curve with the chocolate calendars. Abby informed him of this fact, “Gabe, Mom buys the calendars in,like, August!” (Eye roll for emphasis)

She was close. Not quite August, but October. At the Commissary (military grocery store) they put out the German Christmas items at the same time as the Halloween candy. I buy them right away every year and store them away for fear of repeating the mistake of waiting too long and finding them sold out.

I first started buying them for Dale and I when we were assigned to Germany in the early 1990s. The calendars are a simple thin rectangle of cardboard with little doors to open from 1 to 24. Under each door is a piece of chocolate pressed into a holiday shape (present, tree, candle, etc.)

You eat a piece of chocolate and count down the days until Christmas. In my opinion, a fabulous tradition.

I love books and I love to buy books for my children. Therefore, we have a lot of books. However, I do not have a lot of bookcases. I dream of one day having a house full of nice solid wood bookcases instead of the hodgepodge of particle board and unpainted pine shelves that I currently own. I periodically make a pledge to not buy another cheap bookcase. I declare that I will save my money and invest in wooden bookcases that will survive our relentless moving. Then, I move to a new house and have piles of books with no where to put them. I see in the newspaper ads that Big Lots has white particle board book cases for $25 and I think “I could buy a bookcase for each of the kids for less than the price of a nice one.” So, off I go to Big Lots. There are people who love Big Lots, the Dollar Store, and yard sales. I am not one of them. I greatly admire frugal people. They love to search for the best deal and save money. I like to go to the nearest shop and spend too much for an item, because I’m too lazy to look around. I walked into Big Lots and told myself to walk out before I purchased more cheap bookcases, but I couldn’t be stopped. Big Lots is a dangerous place. It convinced me I couldn’t pass up a great deal on a jewelry table and a child’s table with stools. So, I came home to assemble all my various purchases. I had help in assembling. Gabe operated the screwdriver and Zeke helped with the hammer. Zeke has a special knack for hitting my thumb. I successfully assembled the jewelry table and the child’s table with stools and was beginning to feel cocky that I was finally getting the hang of these home improvement tasks. Gabe, Zeke, and I started on the first bookcase and I made sure the unfinished edges were all facing upwards. Gabe worked the screwdriver and Zeke worked the hammer. We screwed the boards together and carefully pounded the nails that held the back on. I then went to put in the shelves and realized that I had connected one side with the peg slots facing out. I let out a frustrated scream and scared Zeke. All my new gained confidence was gone and I was reminded of the two other home improvement fiascoes I had this week. Josiah was out mowing the lawn and came into tell me that the lawnmower had stopped. Assuming that it had run out of gas, I went and got the gas can and filled it up. I went back inside and seconds later Josiah came in to tell me the lawnmower was smoking. I went outside to find the lawnmower coated in oil and smoking. All I could think was that Dale had mentioned to me that the weed eater took an oil, gas mix and I must have filled up the lawnmower with the wrong can. I stood there thinking, “I can’t believe I’ve broken Dale’s brand new lawnmower.” I sent the neighbor kid to bring his dad who concluded that when Josiah checked the gas, he also checked the oil and forgot to screw the oil cap back on. The oil bubbled out onto the engine which resulted in the smoke. I was much relieved. This week I also decided to shock myself by attempting to pull out an old fashioned multiple plug expander from the outlet without turning off the power. I didn’t do so well in electrical engineering at college, but I do remember learning that if you grab a bit of metal connected to a power source, you will get shocked, and get shocked I did. I have had many offers of assistance for home improvement tasks and have finally agreed to accept one, because who knows what I could do next.