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For the last month, our house has been under attack from an angry bird. Sometimes it attacks the living room window. Sometimes it attacks the sun room window.

Meanwhile, Patches and Shadow sit, watch, and dream of a good meal.

From the moment we spied the free kitten sign on the side of the road, Shadow has been a unique mix of trouble and entertainment. He spends his days knocking over and shredding the contents of bathroom garbage cans, perching on the edge of the top load washing machine to swat at the water, and climbing in the toilet to have a drink if someone fails to put down the lid. When my mom was visiting, he got all the drinks he wanted.

He also inhabits every paper bag left on the floor. It does not matter if the bag is full of groceries, books, or items to donate, he will go inside and attempt to push everything else out. This morning, I gave Abby a paper bag half full of old books to donate for the school’s yard sale. I set it down on the floor and Shadow climbed in. Josiah attempted to pick up the bag and slide Shadow out, but Shadow forced his way further in. I grabbed the bag to dump him out. The books dumped out, but Shadow stretched himself to full length and grasped a hold of the inside paper with his claws. I won the battle, but the bag had a rough go of it.

Shadow has also taken up the challenge of opening doors. One night, I found him wandering about when he was supposed to be asleep with Zeke. The most likely explanation for his escape may have been that the door wasn’t fully latched. However, earlier in the day, I had observed him attempting to use the cloth bags and lanyards hanging off the doorknob as leverage to turn the handle. Two days ago, Abby observed him trying a similar maneuver when he attempted to open the basement door. A green canvas sleeve full of plastic grocery bags is hanging on the basement door handle. Shadow jumped up on the canvas sleeve, grabbed a hold of it with all four claws, and rocked back and forth trying to get the handle to turn.

When Abby told us the story, Gabe remarked that he should be able to rig the doorknobs to make Shadow’s endeavors more successful.

That’s just what I need: a doorcat.

Last night, I was in the kitchen making cookies, and Zeke was in the sun room counting “how many doctors would it take” as he jumped rope. How Cinderella could possibly have kissed a snake has always been a mystery to me.

Suddenly, the phone rang.

It was Josiah calling. Dale thought it clever to set unique ring tones for members of our family. Josiah’s ring tone sounds like a bugler’s rally call to the cavalry for help. I thought, “That’s odd for Josiah to call…where is he right now?…oh yeah…UPSTAIRS.”

Zeke answered the phone and I listened to one half of the conversation incredulously. Zeke hung up the phone and said, “Patches threw up in the hall.”

“Josiah called from upstairs to tell us the cat threw up? He can’t walk over to Abby’s room and get her?” I asked. Zeke looked at me confused. “Go upstairs and get Abby,” I told him.

At this point, Gabe decided to get involved and start the search for the cat vomit. He thudded up the stairs like a herd of elephants. Gabe thuds wherever he goes. Earlier, Zeke was trying to get Gabe to jump rope and I told Zeke to give it up. “Gabe cannot bounce,” I said “He can only thud.” His footfall when running literally pounds the pavement. Gabe is loud in all things. “I found it! I found the vomit!’ he yelled down the steps. Meanwhile, Zeke informed Abby and she cleaned it up.

Later, when Josiah had made it back downstairs, I asked him, “Were you too lazy to get up and walk down the hall to get your sister?”

“No,” he replied, “My door was closed and I didn’t want to go out because I didn’t know where in the hallway she had thrown up .”

My 17 year old son was trapped. Trapped by cat vomit.

Patches loves to sit next to Abby while Abby is practicing piano. She must have a great affinity for Christmas carols, because she started keeping time with her tail. Meanwhile, Shadow continues to try to steal the show in his daily pursuit to become the next bad kitty.

On occasion (several times a day), Patches gets fed up with the interloper in her life – Shadow. He is a pest and each day he finds new and creative ways to irritate her. Abby’s room is Patches’ domain, and Shadow’s presence in there is most unwelcome. When Patches’ back is turned, he jumps into her litter box: he sneaks over and eats some of her food; he hides under the bed to pounce out at her.

Yesterday, Abby observed Shadow’s attempted foray to the top of the cat tree. Patches favorite perch is on top of the cat tree where she lays in what looks like a carpeted inbox. We are thankful the cat tree still holds her because Patches is quite a fat cat. When she is up on top of the tree, there is only a sliver of space left. Yesterday, Shadow had the gall to climb up next to Patches and attempt to wedge himself into the space.

He did not experience a kindly reception. With Patches growling and hissing at him, he thought better of his plan and climbed down one level. Here he came up with plan B. The second level contains a small circular covered cat house to hide in. He chose this as his new spot. He found it great fun to periodically poke his head out from there and gaze up at Patches perched above.

Today, I took Shadow to the vet for his rabies shot. When he left in the kennel, Patches must have hoped she was done with him for good. When we returned, she was guarding the kitchen door against his reentry and hissed and growled at him to stay gone. When he escaped around her, she positioned herself at the top of the stairs to bar his way. He snuck past and ran to snatch some of her food before she could catch him.

Patches is now sulking and glaring at me indignantly as if, once again, I have betrayed her.